When you’ve desired something all your life, in my case – to become a Mother, you don’t really know what effect it will have on your life until you finally manifest it into reality. Little did I know, that this desire which had been deep within me for most of my life, was about to shatter the world I thought I knew and birth a life I secretly always desired but never allowed myself to dare to believe was possible.
In 2017 when I gave birth to my daughter, almost overnight my life seemed to change; my relationships, my values, my desires and my perspectives. I’d decided to take a years maternity leave and in that time I fully threw myself into my new role. My maternity leave was coming to an end and after having a year to slow down, to embrace my role as a Mother, my soul started to open itself up and I knew deep within myself that returning to work, even part time wasn’t going to be an option for me. So I took the plunge, left my well paid corporate job and became a stay-at-home mum.
When you’ve desired something all your life, in my case – to become a Mother, you don’t really know what effect it will have on your life until you finally manifest it into reality. Little did I know, that this desire which had been deep within me for most of my life, was about to shatter the world I thought I knew and birth a life I secretly always desired but never allowed myself to dare to believe was possible.
In 2017 when I gave birth to my daughter, almost overnight my life seemed to change; my relationships, my values, my desires and my perspectives. I’d decided to take a years maternity leave and in that time I fully threw myself into my new role. My maternity leave was coming to an end and after having a year to slow down, to embrace my role as a Mother, my soul started to open itself up and I knew deep within myself that returning to work, even part time wasn’t going to be an option for me. So I took the plunge, left my well paid corporate job and became a stay-at-home mum.
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I felt empowered by my decision to leave work and continued as I had been during my maternity leave. But something inside me had changed. Maybe it was the rush of empowerment I felt leaving the life I knew in corporate, or the courage and surrender to allow my husband to solely provide for our family but in those weeks after I walked away from it all, this small little voice began to speak quietly to me.
At first I didn’t give it much time or attention but as the weeks, months and eventually another year went by, this little voice had become a loud cry in my ears and in my heart. And one day I couldn’t deny it‘s message anymore. I wanted more!
In that moment I had such mixed feelings of elation, guilt and fear for what the acceptance of those three words meant.
So I wrote down what MORE meant to me and it looked something like this:
But writing down these deep felt desires forced me to take a long hard look at my life and what I found was my reality was nothing like what I desired.
My marriage was crumbling and fast. Intimacy was none existent and there was a huge void between the couple we had become and the one I wanted us to be.
I had succumb to Motherhood Victimhood – believing that having all the things I truly desired was impossible now I had become a Mother – even though being a Mother was what I’d always wanted.
My spiritual journey had taken a nose dive, succumbing me to theories of conspiracy and pulling me further away from my true connection to source
I had to take a long hard look at my life and be honest. This wasn’t what I really wanted.